Thoughts of a pregnant lady

First Trimester

Week 7 

• Does this Ginger Ale thing really work?
• Mmm, cheese toast!
• It's amazing how I can drink so much, go to the bathroom so often, and still have so much color in my pee!

Week 9 

• Eew... nobody mention Ginger Ale.
• Sorry Jake... I usually like sloppy joes, but that just looks gross right now.

Week 10 

• Must - cook - dinner. But everything sounds - unappetizing.

Week 12 

• Sooo... I've pretty much only gained one pound so far. Then why is it all poking out like that?

Pretty much all trimester 

• Why did no one warn me that I would be so tired? I never feel like doing anything. And since when am I so durned cranky!?
• Wow.  I never feel like vomiting! Wait . . . nope. Nothing

Second Trimester

Week 14 

• Whoa!! I feel like cooking again! Where's my cookbook?

Week 15 

• See, bladder, it says right here in the book that I should be experiencing a decrease in frequency of urination. Decrease!
• Uhm, 4 pounds in 6 days? Really?

Week 17 

• Whoa... that might have been the baby! Or it was just gas. 

Week 18 

• Nope, definitely not gas!  

Ultrasound appointment

• Oops, I forgot I was supposed to come with a full bladder... "Sure, full as can be." Not much I can do about it now, anyway. 
• Hey, it's a boy!  Awww, isn't he cuuuuute!?
• Who knew they moved around so much?  Weird that I don't feel him more.  
• Really?  You wanted my bladder full, and now you're just going to have me empty it? What is the point?
• Gaa... more ultrasound goo. Four applications is definitely enough.

Week 19 

•  Oooo, cookies!  *nom nom nom nom* Don't look at me, I'm hideous! . . . *nom nom nom*

Week 20

• Now you listen to me, body.  If I'd known beforehand that you were going to eat a dozen gingersnaps in one sitting, I would not have made them!

Week 21

• We meet at last, pregnant lady waddle.  My, how you sneak up on a person.
• Sorry, Jake.  Business hours are over.  I don't even have one of those "Be back in 5 minutes" signs - looks like there's no way of knowing. 

Week 22

• Heartbuuuuuurn!!
• Ha! Wow, it's like he's doing kick boxing in there.

Week 23

• My hair is so silky soft...
• Bladder - please wait until there's more than 2 Tablespoons before telling me to go to the bathroom.

Week 24

• My heartburn keeps waking me up in the middle of the night.  Now I have to prop myself up with pillows like an old person to keep all that unwelcome acid in its place.  I feel like I'm sleeping in a dentist's chair.

- April, 2012- Wow.  Who knew that just days after this last update, I would go into preterm labor and have the baby at 24 5/7 weeks. Life...