Thoughts of a pregnant lady

First Trimester

Week 7 

• Does this Ginger Ale thing really work?
• Mmm, cheese toast!
• It's amazing how I can drink so much, go to the bathroom so often, and still have so much color in my pee!

Week 9 

• Eew... nobody mention Ginger Ale.
• Sorry Jake... I usually like sloppy joes, but that just looks gross right now.

Week 10 

• Must - cook - dinner. But everything sounds - unappetizing.

Week 12 

• Sooo... I've pretty much only gained one pound so far. Then why is it all poking out like that?

Pretty much all trimester 

• Why did no one warn me that I would be so tired? I never feel like doing anything. And since when am I so durned cranky!?
• Wow.  I never feel like vomiting! Wait . . . nope. Nothing

Second Trimester

Week 14 

• Whoa!! I feel like cooking again! Where's my cookbook?

Week 15 

• See, bladder, it says right here in the book that I should be experiencing a decrease in frequency of urination. Decrease!
• Uhm, 4 pounds in 6 days? Really?

Week 17 

• Whoa... that might have been the baby! Or it was just gas. 

Week 18 

• Nope, definitely not gas!  

Ultrasound appointment

• Oops, I forgot I was supposed to come with a full bladder... "Sure, full as can be." Not much I can do about it now, anyway. 
• Hey, it's a boy!  Awww, isn't he cuuuuute!?
• Who knew they moved around so much?  Weird that I don't feel him more.  
• Really?  You wanted my bladder full, and now you're just going to have me empty it? What is the point?
• Gaa... more ultrasound goo. Four applications is definitely enough.

Week 19 

•  Oooo, cookies!  *nom nom nom nom* Don't look at me, I'm hideous! . . . *nom nom nom*

Week 20

• Now you listen to me, body.  If I'd known beforehand that you were going to eat a dozen gingersnaps in one sitting, I would not have made them!

Week 21

• We meet at last, pregnant lady waddle.  My, how you sneak up on a person.
• Sorry, Jake.  Business hours are over.  I don't even have one of those "Be back in 5 minutes" signs - looks like there's no way of knowing. 

Week 22

• Heartbuuuuuurn!!
• Ha! Wow, it's like he's doing kick boxing in there.

Week 23

• My hair is so silky soft...
• Bladder - please wait until there's more than 2 Tablespoons before telling me to go to the bathroom.

Week 24

• My heartburn keeps waking me up in the middle of the night.  Now I have to prop myself up with pillows like an old person to keep all that unwelcome acid in its place.  I feel like I'm sleeping in a dentist's chair.

- April, 2012- Wow.  Who knew that just days after this last update, I would go into preterm labor and have the baby at 24 5/7 weeks. Life...

Horror Mirrors

So, logically, the mirrors in my bathroom should make me feel even MORE secure because they allow me to see more of the room at the same time.

BUT- stupid scary movies have established that mirrors, especially bathroom mirrors, and especially when you're a girl, are only there to show you an intruder or other unspeakable evil that is just waiting for you to look in them.

Cheetos

Curse you, Cheeto fingers!! Is there nothing you won't soil!?

And again, how did your "real cheese" squeak by?

Lonely No More

I remember reading a friend's blog/rant about singleness a few months ago. He recounted a polite small-talking encounter that he had had with a fellow member of his single's ward. The other young man had thought to ask if he had "found anyone" before he had even asked for his name or offered his own. I remember running into that phrase before, when people had asked if I had "found anyone" to marry. Blech, I really don't like that wording!

I'm married right now, but I do remember what it was like to be in a single's ward; that awful tension where if you don't make it out to the activities people assume you're not serious about"finding someone," or rather "being found," if one must put it that way. Then if I did attend a few get-togethers, I would sit and politely exchange "how are yous" and "I've been in the ward for however longs" with members of the opposite sex, and I always felt like I was being appraised or sized up somehow. Oh, I know it was probably just me being paranoid, but if we pen people together due to their lack of significant others in hopes that they will "find someone," I tend to get judgmental, a teeny bit self-conscious, and the smallest bit sour. No, I didn't get engaged to avoid this. I just never went to any activities.

I won't pretend that I will never ever use the wording "finding someone" again. It happens to be an accepted and widely used phrase, and as an English-speaking communicator, it is pretty much in my vernacular just because other people use it. But, if I let myself think about it, well... now you know what I'll be thinking.

I didn't "find someone," like I had lost something and anyone would do if I could just locate them. I fell in love.