Catch-22

So -

If one likes to indulge with comfort food when something bad has happened to one, and one also enjoys indulging as a reward when good things happen, I guess one's only prayer for a healthy diet is to hope nothing interesting ever happens to one.

Policeman Psych-out

I hate it when cops drive close to me on the road because whenever they do, I involuntarily but consistently do a quick systems check of everything I'm doing that they could possibly get me in trouble for.

Speed?

Headlights?

Seatbelt?

Turn signal?

Am I in my lane?

Am I talking on the phone?!

Am I texting?!

DO I HAVE MY HANDS AT 10 AND 2!?!

... They probably think it's hilarious ...