What a sobering thought. Thanks, brain.
Friday, March 22, 2013
How they grow
It's strange to think that, one day, Nic will be this free-thinking independent, that he won't forever be my helpless little boy that only ever wants to be with me.
What a sobering thought. Thanks, brain.
What a sobering thought. Thanks, brain.
Sunday, January 20, 2013
Buying Contraceptives
I'm married and everything, but for some reason buying condoms is one of the most awkward things I've ever had to do. If we're told to be "prepared" and "safe," then why are they put under glass right where everyone waiting in line to have their prescription filled can see you trying to decide between "Ultra Ribbed: For Her Pleasure" and "Sensations: Designed to Increase Her Stimulation"? (Hey, I'm the one picking them out.)
Every time I've had to run this mortifying errand, I've always tried to have a demure/uninterested air about me. Like I have to pretend like I'm someone who isn't at all bothered by the situation in which I find myself, and if someone were watching me (and if them watching me weren't criminally creepy), I'd like them to think that my inner monologue went as follows:
"La la laaa. Just shopping for some chapstick. Always looking for some new lip balm, let's see what I haven't tried yet -- wait, what's over there? I'm not really sure if I need any of those. I suppose I could get some, just to have them on hand. What kind should I get - naw, never mind. What I really need is some more antiseptic throat spray. Should always have some in the ol' first aid kit. Don't want my throat to get all septic all of a sudden. Well, on second though, maybe I should just pick some up. It's only what any responsible adult would have on hand. If I know anything about being sexually active, and I do because I'm a suave, hip, with-it, free-thinking female adult person, then these are perfectly fine to pick up and buy. Yep, just picking out a box of condoms. Nothing to see here. Laa tee daa dee dooo. Well, if I want to be really responsible, and I surely do, I should get the biggest box available. Not because I'll need them all at once or anything, because that would be ridiculous. Just want to have sex without getting pregnant, and be fiscally responsible at the same time. Yes. I feel good about this. I wish I could do this every day."
Instead of what I'm really thinking:
"I hate sex."
Every time I've had to run this mortifying errand, I've always tried to have a demure/uninterested air about me. Like I have to pretend like I'm someone who isn't at all bothered by the situation in which I find myself, and if someone were watching me (and if them watching me weren't criminally creepy), I'd like them to think that my inner monologue went as follows:
"La la laaa. Just shopping for some chapstick. Always looking for some new lip balm, let's see what I haven't tried yet -- wait, what's over there? I'm not really sure if I need any of those. I suppose I could get some, just to have them on hand. What kind should I get - naw, never mind. What I really need is some more antiseptic throat spray. Should always have some in the ol' first aid kit. Don't want my throat to get all septic all of a sudden. Well, on second though, maybe I should just pick some up. It's only what any responsible adult would have on hand. If I know anything about being sexually active, and I do because I'm a suave, hip, with-it, free-thinking female adult person, then these are perfectly fine to pick up and buy. Yep, just picking out a box of condoms. Nothing to see here. Laa tee daa dee dooo. Well, if I want to be really responsible, and I surely do, I should get the biggest box available. Not because I'll need them all at once or anything, because that would be ridiculous. Just want to have sex without getting pregnant, and be fiscally responsible at the same time. Yes. I feel good about this. I wish I could do this every day."
Instead of what I'm really thinking:
"I hate sex."
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