Having kids

Having kids:

Means staying one step head of hangry.

Teaches you the transformative power of a good BM.

Helps you appreciate alone time (like showers. Basically only showers).

Means wiping someone else's butt more often than your own.

Means putting the same things away over and over (and over) again. 

Makes you put them in the victim's place when watching movies, TV or the news which makes them much less fun to watch.

Makes your sick days much less restful.

Guarantees a dirty and cluttered home/car/purse.

Gives you the suspicion that if you don't hug them every few hours, they grow up twice as fast.

Teaches you that it takes all of your time to take care of them. If you need to do anything else, you have to make time, because there is no extra.

Does not guarantee that you like other people's kids.

Has made my left arm stronger and my right hand more dexterous.

Takes more patience than you have.

Is totally worth it.

Repentance

I've done things that I wish I hadn't done, and that I certainly wish I would never do again. I know the guilt and grief that comes with remembering them, and with my failure to improve and not repeat my mistakes.

Repentance means being able to disassociate myself from those habits that make me the cruel, selfish, slothful person that I don't want to be. I can put off my mistakes, and endeavor to become a better wife, mother, daughter, sister, and friend.

Just as I hope others can forgive me for my past in order to allow me to move on, I aim to forget others' blunders, missteps and problems. Repentance is a hard, though rewarding process, and nobody can be benefited by being reminded of their shortcomings and failures. Through granting forgiveness, I can find more strength to forgive myself, too.

Reasons you want to be a toddler

- no one would ever bother you when you're reading

- your pants would all be stretchy, and not only would it be okay, you would be adorable in them

- your misbehavior would be someone else's "fault"

- everyone's main objective would be to make you feel good about yourself

- naps would be encouraged with diligent, even desperate vigor

- you wouldn't have to be good at anything. Everyone would just be thrilled that you tried

- your dancing would never have to be good

- you wouldn't have to plan fun activities; fun things would simply start happening around you just to keep you from melting down

- you would be the reason there are yummy snacks everywhere you went

Mommy's going potty

I love how motherhood, and more specifically being a stay-at-home-mom, brings meaning into my life. In particular, my bathroom trips. Before being a mom, I was just going through the motions. Now it's a chance to be alone for 90 seconds.

90 glorious seconds.

How they grow

It's strange to think that, one day, Nic will be this free-thinking independent, that he won't forever be my helpless little boy that only ever wants to be with me.

What a sobering thought.  Thanks, brain.

Buying Contraceptives

I'm married and everything, but for some reason buying condoms is one of the most awkward things I've ever had to do. If we're told to be "prepared" and "safe," then why are they put under glass right where everyone waiting in line to have their prescription filled can see you trying to decide between "Ultra Ribbed: For Her Pleasure" and "Sensations: Designed to Increase Her Stimulation"? (Hey, I'm the one picking them out.)

Every time I've had to run this mortifying errand, I've always tried to have a demure/uninterested air about me. Like I have to pretend like I'm someone who isn't at all bothered by the situation in which I find myself, and if someone were watching me (and if them watching me weren't criminally creepy), I'd like them to think that my inner monologue went as follows:

"La la laaa. Just shopping for some chapstick.  Always looking for some new lip balm, let's see what I haven't tried yet -- wait, what's over there?  I'm not really sure if I need any of those. I suppose I could get some, just to have them on hand. What kind should I get - naw, never mind.  What I really need is some more antiseptic throat spray. Should always have some in the ol' first aid kit. Don't want my throat to get all septic all of a sudden. Well, on second though, maybe I should just pick some up.  It's only what any responsible adult would have on hand. If I know anything about being sexually active, and I do because I'm a suave, hip, with-it, free-thinking female adult person, then these are perfectly fine to pick up and buy. Yep, just picking out a box of condoms. Nothing to see here. Laa tee daa dee dooo. Well, if I want to be really responsible, and I surely do, I should get the biggest box available. Not because I'll need them all at once or anything, because that would be ridiculous. Just want to have sex without getting pregnant, and be fiscally responsible at the same time. Yes. I feel good about this. I wish I could do this every day."

Instead of what I'm really thinking:

"I hate sex."

Breaking up with CenturyLink

We've had Qwest/CenturyLink for a couple of years now, since we got married in 2010, but we've decided to go with Comcast for the faster speeds and TV channels. So I had to cancel our CenturyLink service today, which I hated doing, because it felt like I was breaking up with them:

C= CenturyLink
F= Faith/me

C- Hi Faith, how's it going? What can I do for you?
F- Well, I'm calling because I wanted to break up with you.
C- Oh. Okay... Can I ask why?
F- Well, I've been unhappy with my relationship with you.  I haven't been getting the time and attention that you promised me, so I want to break up.
C- Okay. Alright then... Can I ask if you're going to start seeing someone else?
F- Actually, I've already started seeing Comcast. I would have broken up with you first, but he wanted to come over on a Sunday and I didn't want to call you until Monday.  It was kind of messy, and we're still getting settled with one another, but it happened, and I'm sticking with him.
C- You know he's going to be a jerk to you in 6 months, right? What if I can promise to be good to you for 12 months?
F- Look, I've already started dating him, and I'll cross that bridge when I come to it.
C- Alright. Okay, well... thanks for calling. Have a nice day.

And now I feel all guilty. Though I wasn't happy with him, maybe I should have given him another chance?  Maybe he'll be the one that got away.

No. Probably not.