Sunday, December 25, 2011

Thoughts of a pregnant lady

First Trimester
Week 7 
  • Does this Ginger Ale thing really work?
  • Mmm, cheese toast!
  • It's amazing how I can drink so much, go to the bathroom so often, and still have so much color in my pee!
Week 9 
  • Eew... nobody mention Ginger Ale.
  • Sorry Jake... I usually like sloppy joes, but that just looks gross right now.
Week 10 
  • Must - cook - dinner. But everything sounds - unappetizing.
Week 12 
  • Sooo... I've pretty much only gained one pound so far. Then why is it all poking out like that?
Pretty much all trimester 
  • Why did no one warn me that I would be so tired? I never feel like doing anything. And since when am I so durned cranky!?
  • Wow.  I never feel like vomiting! Wait . . . nope. Nothing
Second Trimester
Week 14 
  • Whoa!! I feel like cooking again! Where's my cookbook?
Week 15 
  • See, bladder, it says right here in the book that I should be experiencing a decrease in frequency of urination. Decrease!
  • Uhm, 4 pounds in 6 days? Really?
Week 17 
  • Whoa... that might have been the baby! Or it was just gas. 
Week 18 
  • Nope, definitely not gas!  
Ultrasound appointment
  • Oops, I forgot I was supposed to come with a full bladder... "Sure, full as can be." Not much I can do about it now, anyway. 
  • Hey, it's a boy!  Awww, isn't he cuuuuute!?
  • Who knew they moved around so much?  Weird that I don't feel him more.  
  • Really?  You wanted my bladder full, and now you're just going to have me empty it? What is the point?
  • Gaa... more ultrasound goo. Four applications is definitely enough.
Week 19 
  •  Oooo, cookies!  *nom nom nom nom* Don't look at me, I'm hideous! . . . *nom nom nom*
Week 20
  • Now you listen to me, body.  If I'd known beforehand that you were going to eat a dozen gingersnaps in one sitting, I would not have made them!
Week 21
  • We meet at last, pregnant lady waddle.  My, how you sneak up on a person.
  • Sorry, Jake.  Business hours are over.  I don't even have one of those "Be back in 5 minutes" signs - looks like there's no way of knowing. 
Week 22
  • Heartbuuuuuurn!!
  • Ha! Wow, it's like he's doing kick boxing in there.
Week 23
  • My hair is so silky soft...
  • Bladder - please wait until there's more than 2 Tablespoons before telling me to go to the bathroom.
Week 24
  • My heartburn keeps waking me up in the middle of the night.  Now I have to prop myself up with pillows like an old person to keep all that unwelcome acid in its place.  I feel like I'm sleeping in a dentist's chair.
- April, 2012- Wow.  Who knew that just days after this last update, I would go into preterm labor and have the baby at 24 5/7 weeks. Life...